In the 2000 race for Senator from the State of Missouri John Ashcroft was defeated by the recently deceased Mel Carnahan. And then the newly elected President George Bush fingered Ashcroft for U.S. Attorney General.
He went on, as Attorney General, to put curtains over a statue of Justice and her statue boob, prosecute the war on
people drugs with the tenacity of a tweaking Assemblies of God preacher, and hawk the Patriot Act as if he personally was gonna get a look in your hot aunt’s nighttime windows.
I thought to myself, “Self, he sure is a shitty Attorney General, bet they’ll be hard pressed to name one worse.” Then Bush was reelected, Ashcroft stepped down, and Alberto Gonzales got the nod.
Ashcroft said in his handwritten letter of resignation to George Bush that: “The objective of securing the safety of the Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.” In light of that I don’t know why another Attorney General, much less Gonzales, had to be named at all. In any case though, those words from Ashcroft are a comfort. In fact I’m sure they are nothing less than a healing balm to those who have been affected by crime and terror since then.
And if crime or terror does ever threaten an American you can rest assured that John Ashcroft will be there to make them secure, in his current role as a strategic consultant.